Tuesday, March 15, 2016

A Day in the Life of My Texts


One of the things I noticed right away after having kids was that the time or desire for talking on the phone no longer existed. My children can be playing quietly or even asleep but the second I get a phone call, they make a beeline for me and put an abrupt end to any adult conversation with questions, demands, or telling me they have to or have just pooped.

Lucky for me, around the same time that my son was born, texting became the accepted and preferred way to communicate with just about everyone I know. Scrolling through my phone at the end of the day can be an amusing snapshot of how my day went and the kind of friends that played a role in it. Do you see yourself in any of the categories below?

The hungry pregnant friend: "I want some really good chicken fingers with ranch" and "Where is there a donut shop?" These texts often come in at strange times because pregnant friends like to taunt their sleep deprived mom friends with the fact that they could be sleeping but aren't.

The workout motivator: "Did you get a workout in this morning?! Perfect weather for a run!" Depending on whether or not this text arrives before coffee you might hate this person but either way, unless you've already worked out, this text is super annoying. (Bonus points if your pregnant friend is also your workout motivator)

The best friend: "I'm in the Starbuck's Drive-Thru. I'll be there in 5." They know your order and they know you're home.

The 'not quite there yet' texter: These narratives often take the form of a hybrid voicemail-meets- email from your mom who knows you probably don't have time to talk at 11 a.m but somehow manages to do it anyway via giant texts. "Hi Kate, it's Mom. I just wanted to say hi and see how it went last night. It's snowing really hard here but Dad and I are getting ready to go out to breakfast and were wondering if you wanted us to mail you....." These texts disappear from your phone's screen before you can get to the punchline but you make a mental note to call later.

The perfect husband: "On the way. Want wine?"  Experience and self preservation combine to ensure all is well at home after a long day. In time the wine in that sentence will be understood and the text will become a question only of "red or white?" but for now, I'm happy to reply a simple 'Y.'
Who am I kidding? My reply will still be 'Y'

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