If You're Lucky

What is the greatest reward that can come from risk? I'm sure the answer is different for each and every one of us. Is it life after facing death? Someone needing surgery might think so. Is it having a lot of money after making a financial decision? Ask a wise investor. Is it freedom and prosperity after fleeing a bad situation? Our country is full of people who would say yes. Or is it nothing more than the knowledge that a personal choice in life led to a greater life? For those who are fortunate and carefully weigh their options when taking a risk, there are rewards.

Of course there is also the possibility that great risk leads to misfortune, undesirable circumstances, or even tragedy and lives are cut short all too often from risky behaviors whether it's not wearing a seat belt, using drugs, eating a terrible diet, or smoking.
For me the choice to take a risk must be accompanied by the likelihood of a great reward of some type. Buying homes must promise a good chance of being able to sell it when the military tells us we have to move. Deciding what my family will do is always based on what will be best in what we like to think of as the long run. (Even if the longest "run" we have had anywhere is three years!)

My husband is a Marine. The life of someone in the military is so full of risk yet the rewards are often nothing more than pride in a mission completed. There are times when the reward after a long day's work is survival. It seems unfair sometimes for me to consider the day to day risks I choose to take in order to achieve or obtain something knowing how different the risks are for some.

Tour guides at Shahara, Yemen

One of the best hiking experiences we ever had when we lived in Yemen was a hike to Shahara Bridge. We climbed an enormous mountain with a group of American friends, Yemeni guides, and a group of armed Yemeni military guards. It was so remote, so incredibly rugged that it is difficult for me to believe I have been there. The danger facing hikers to the bridge is first and foremost falling to their death and I believe that in the photo above where I'm sitting on the edge of a canyon above the bridge, I have my arm braced on the rocks behind me as though I was aware of that then.

After reaching the bridge at Shahara, Yemen

There was also the distinct possibility that as Americans we might not have received a warm welcome by the locals. Terrible things could have happened to our group on that hike but fortunately nothing did. We had a great adventure that I'm sure none of us will ever forget. Did friends that stayed home feel the risk was too great to take the hike with us but then regret their decision, having missed such an experience? I don't blame anyone who believed the reward was not enough to risk taking the trip. We all exhausted ourselves with the climb and then slept on the floor in one room and shared a bathroom with a hole in the floor for a toilet. I'm grateful that my 2005 self felt that the reward was worth the risk because I don't think my 2013 self would.
Risk is as unique to each person as rewards are. Do I believe the saying that with great risks come great rewards? The only answer I can think of is, if you're lucky.

The Cake Looked like a Hamburger

Burger Patty Brownie Cake

How to Make a Hamburger Cake Without Trying:

This is not a post about a recipe that resulted in something as beautiful as it was delicious. It's not that I don't appreciate that kind of post. I really do. But on this particular occasion, the product of my delicious idea actually ended up looking like fast food.
I searched online for recipes for a cake that had a brownie layer. I found many but the brownie was either baked in as a batter, crumbled in pieces, or swirled through. I wanted to make a cake that was cake, brownie, cake, in that order. So using box cake mix and boxed brownie mix, that is what I did.
I simply cut out the pan of brownie to fit the cakes and stacked them. As you can see, it wasn't one of those beautiful Pinterest cakes that friends would be impressed with. To me, it looked like a hamburger. The yellow cakes looked like two golden buns and the brownie layer looked like a well cooked hamburger patty.
After frosting, it was a cute cake with an amazing chocolate brownie surprise that I would highly recommend adding to your next plain old cake. I used a homemade chocolate cream cheese frosting to essentially glue the burger/brownie in place as you would cheese, ketchup, or mayo. Someone more talented could really go all out and decorate the cake with burger toppings made of sweets like fondant lettuce and cheese. The bun could easily be frosted in a way that included sesame seed candies. You get the idea.
So, in case you were wondering, this is how to make a hamburger cake for your next kids' party, for the Jughead in your life, or just because it is kind of funny.

Party Planning 2.0: Why do Babies Have to Grow?

First Birthday Banner

We found out yesterday that we are moving to Atlanta in July. I'm happy to finally be able to focus my planning on an actual place since it seems like for months of knowing when but not where the military was going to move us, I've been imagining us living in what was a combination of many places at once. I know nothing about Atlanta. I need to find a new house, new doctors, dog parks, places to play and shop, and a million other things that I'm not thinking of right now.

Instead of planning a move, I just want to plan my son's birthday party. A year ago at this time, I had decided on details for his puppy dog tails themed first birthday. I began the banner pictured here of his monthly photos. I created a board on Pinterest to help pick colors and help design his cake. His birthday is in May so I was ahead of the game but still had a lot more to do. I don't have a banner or a party planned for this year. In fact, I don't even know if we will still live in this house. I have no regrets about either of those things. What I can't figure out is why I stopped taking the monthly photos?! I guess it was because the numbered onesie stickers ran out but as you can see I made labels for each month's photo so that couldn't be the only reason.

 It's not that I haven't taken thousands of photos of him this year and could easily arrange them by month. I could, but I'm not. I can only guess that I stopped cataloging his growth once I began to realize how insanely fast it is happening. Like every mom, I am finding myself wishing for the impossible. I want him to stay just the way he is every day. I just don't want to be reminded that the days are passing by!

It's Safe to Say, I'm a Risk Taker

Socotra, Yemen

Is it better to play it safe or take risks?

Our world is so full of incredible things to see. Life is way too short. Without taking risks, lives just pass by and a person can end theirs having been just a little speck on a map that never moved very far from its starting point, never made a mark, and never made any waves.

We are a military family and are fortunate enough to have traveled the world more than most people. I took the photos in this post when we lived in Sana'a, Yemen in 2005. For one year, we were able to see sights that most people will never see other than in pictures, including some places that I'm sure not many Americans have been able to visit since. Without our willingness to take risks, and be uncomfortable and even scared at times, the amazing memories I have would belong to someone else more willing to step away from what was familiar and comfortable.

If we played it safe, the years we spent exploring overseas may have instead been spent on a military base, in a military town, shopping at familiar markets, eating out at restaurants, going to the movies, and shopping. Although we missed those comforts, making the gutsy decision to give them up was the best decision we ever made. There is no better way to learn how brave you are than to force yourself to try something new. There is no better way to learn to appreciate what you have as an American than to give it up for a life somewhere else where people have so little.

Sana'a Yemen

When I first asked myself the question is it better to play it safe or take risks, I thought my answer without hesitation was to take the risks. For a second I forgot about the one area of my life that I play it so safe it's almost funny at times. When it comes to my son, even as he approaches his second birthday, I play it safe to the point that I still watch him sleep on a monitor, still refuse to allow stuffed animals in his crib for fear he'll suffocate, and just in general still feel like I could make some mistake at any moment that would hurt him. I wouldn't let him try solid food until he was six months for fear that he would choke or stop nursing. I closely checked the temperature in his room so that the risk of SIDS was lessened after reading that it may be caused by overheating and I really wanted a digital thermometer in his room.

Looking back on this photo I took of the children in the back of that car in Yemen for the first time as a parent, I almost feel sorry that I took it. As a mother, the photo means more to me than what, at the time, was just some adult taking a ridiculous risk with those little ones. There is nothing more precious to me than my child. Even if it seems silly and I know that I can't protect him from everything, I will let my parenting continue to be a place that my rule is to play it safe. Even though I thought nothing of walking through a bazaar in a Muslim country without covering my face or my bright red hair, I still have trouble letting go of the video baby monitor, the parenting manuals, and the homemade baby food maker.

Have you ever seen a beautiful beach with nothing but a camel on it? If not, do something about that! Make the brave choices instead of the safe choices sometimes.

A Gift idea for New Parents

This sign might be the best gift anyone could ever give to new parents. I found this little treasure while I was hunting for frames at Hobby Lobby. I added a little red ribbon to it and it was perfect. For the better part of two years, I'm embarrassed to admit that the sign below hung on our doorbell.

I hung the sign because our dog charges the door barking when the doorbell rings, not necessarily because we have such a loud doorbell that it would wake a sleeping baby. (Although as a brand new mom I was sure the ring of the bell was enough) At first, the sign read only, "Please Do Not Ring Bell" and hung above where it is in this picture but after several people simply knocked, and the FedEx delivery man rang the bell anyway, I added the words "Or Knock" and moved the sign on top of the bell so someone wishing to defy my orders would have to actaually depress the sign when ringing the bell.

People who came to the door and saw this sign, whether they were selling something, making a delivery, or wanting to meet us and invite us to a party, most likely understood why the sign was there. But it's possible that someone found it to be cold or unwelcoming. That's why when I found the Hobby Lobby sign I was so excited. Now when someone comes, they see a friendly little request to please go away, tied up with a pretty bow!

Back to why this is perfect for new parents. When we first brought our baby home, I was essentially in the house with him for weeks and whenever I realized that I needed something, I ordered it online from Amazon. Because I had the free two day shipping that you get when you join Amazon Mom, there was a continuous stream of packages arriving for those first months. In order to make sure that my doorbell wasn't ringing three times a day, I needed that sign. Other parents might need it for a different reason. Although we didn't have this problem, many new parents find that their family and friends stop over univited to help out or see the baby. As a first time parent, they might not know how to express that they don't want visitors, don't want to entertain, or just simply want to be alone with their tiny new baby. Giving this sign would be giving them the ability to gently hint that it isn't a good time to be dropping in on them without having to step on the toes of well meaning friends, in-laws, or neighbors.

No one will know if the sign hangs 24/7 and not just when the baby is sleeping unless they drive by on the hour waiting for it to be taken down. In that case, if they want to see the baby that bad, it's best to just let them in- but they better be bringing food!

House Attachment

The light at the end of our remodeling tunnel is finally visible. I'm excited and relieved that after many, many months, our kitchen, master bathroom, and kids' bathroom remodels are almost complete. We're talking down to the final hooks on the wall complete! It has taken the better part of two years to accomplish what we wanted; in part because we were on a budget but mostly because we have a busy life. Two years. What this means to a military family is that the light at the end of the tunnel is also starting to signal the end of our time in this house in this town.

This move will be the fourth move for our family in eight years. This is the second home we bought and made our own only to have to leave it. But this little town in NY has been more than a duty station. We were fortunate enough to end up stationed in the area we both grew up, something not very common for a military family. I went to school from K-12 in Saratoga. The churches here are the same churches we made our first communions, got married, and now can add, had our baby's baptism.

We have been spoiled to live in Saratoga Springs and by all it has to offer for families. I have been able to fill my son's days with so many fun and educational activities that I may not be able to find in another area. I don't know too many military towns that we could move to that will offer us the chance to have a picnic blanket play date at the ballet on a summer afternoon.

Every military family knows how it feels to leave a town, family, friends, and take only memories to a new place. We've done it enough to be somewhat used to it and prepared but this time it feels like it's going to be harder. For one thing, we are leaving both of our families after spending these past few years enjoying their company any time we wanted. But above all, this is the first time that we will be making the move with a child. For that reason I feel like I have much more of an attachment to our house.

It's not just the work that my husband has put into remodeling this house. It's the babyprints that are all over it. Each inch of this big house is filled with little reminders of every moment from the day we brought him home, to his first giggles, first steps and words. When we walk out of the door to go places these days I find myself imagining what it will be like to walk out for the last time. Will visions of walking up the sidewalk to the front door with a newborn in my arms, anxious to bring him home, flood over me and make me run back inside? I know that won't happen but only because this life we live doesn't allow for that kind of emotional reaction to moving. Am I going to spend our last nights here waking up in a panic wondering if my baby will miss his nursery? Yes, I will. But in order to get through our toughest move so far I'll have to find a way to get excited about his new nursery in our new house, in our new town.

In our last house, I spent the last few days before we moved taking photos of the empty spaces and even wrote our names on a beam in the attic. One of my favorite photos to look back on is a shot of our names carved in the sand at the beach we went to every weekend. It makes me smile to think that this time around there will be another name to add.

Quitting your job doesn't make you a stay at home mom

This week is a school break so a lot of my friends and my family are home with school aged children and trying to keep them occupied. The weather has been terrible for the last month or so- freezing cold but not enough snow on the ground for any kind of fun. As for my little one and I, it’s been a bit of a slow week because we haven’t been to any of our usual activities. Some were cancelled due to school break and some we stayed away from for fear that they’d be packed full of school kids. It made me realize how much of my week involves activities for a 20 month old! (And how long a day is if there isn’t an outing)

Talking with friends who are home this week and are feeling so glad to be able to catch up on time with their little ones makes me so grateful that I have been able to spend so much time with our son and fill his days with as much learning, bonding, and happy moments as I can.

There are a lot of people who claim to be a stay at home mom that I think miss the point in being home. I saw it a lot in a previous job where the term meant little more than physically being there at home with their children and sometimes didn’t even mean that much! Not to say that every mom can or should dedicate the majority of each day to children’s activities but that is what I have chosen to do, otherwise why wouldn’t I just work and pay someone else to dedicate their day to my child? Without coming off too judgmental, I’ll just say that I know mothers who work full time that spend more time engaged with their children than some that claim to be stay at home moms.

To me being a stay at home mom means that your full time job is ensuring the health, development, happiness, growth, and well being of your children. It doesn't mean do whatever I want during the workday whether it be work out, shop, go to lunch with friends, etc,  while someone else watches my child. Stay at home moms who do things like that give the impression that it's fun and games rather than a demanding committment being "home" with your children!

 I am just grateful that I won’t look back some day and wish that I’d spent more time with my children while I was “home” with them.

Eating in the Shower

A few weeks after my son was born, my husband went back to work and I felt like a humongous weight was just dropped in my lap (literally since he weighed over ten pounds already!) He was eating every hour for nearly twenty minutes at a time so I was exhausted and completely overwhelmed. I expected having a newborn to be a challenge but not a single person- not friends, family members, no well meaning strangers even, prepared me for the fact that not a second of the day was mine anymore.

I'd always told myself that I wasn't going to be one of those moms who complains about being tired or overwhelmed by having a child. We spent the first eight years of our marriage working full time, traveling, and eventually wanting a baby.  Before we had our son, I thought I was preparing myself by making the genius decision that I wasn't going to to whine about things that I'd secretly laughed at other moms for complaining about. Things like being tired, hungry, or dirty.

After all, I'd been working full time outside the home. I fully believed that being a stay at home mom was going to be "easier" than going to a job for eight hours a day, five days a week. By easier, I just thought it was going to be a nice break from having to work.


So...... fast forward to morning two of Daddy being back to work and being on my own and I started to get why I had heard so many parents claim that it's such hard work. My wardrobe consisted of sweats, slippers, a nursing tank top with hoodie over it, and my hair was an unflattering combination of third day not washed waves and bed head. I went everywhere with a baby in one arm and a nalgene full of water in the other because I was constantly thirsty. The only time I rested was while feeding him. Anyone that remembers being new to nursing a newborn can understand how not restful that was. I didn't have time or at least think I had time to eat, take a shower, make a phone call, sleep, clean my house, or think of anything other than when this tiny baby would want to eat again.

Rather than put him down for a minute and let him cry, I held him almost nonstop until he fell asleep in my arms. During these periods I might put him in his crib, swing, or propped in the boppy pillow, but a lot of the time I kept holding him and just rested as best I could.

One day I put him down asleep and hurried to the shower quietly tiptoeing, and just petrified that the sound of water or God forbid, dropped shampoo would wake him. As water ran down my head I was jolted by the realization I was chewing and still holding part of my bagel in my hand. In the shower.

Some people might not think that was worth a second thought but I wasn't comfortable with that being my new normal. The laugh /sob noise that I made upon realizing that I now had to manage my time by eating in the shower was probably only in my head because I was too paranoid to so much as sneeze at the risk of waking the baby. It was a defining, humbling new parent moment that I've never forgotten.

It took a little time but eventually I found a way to balance baby's needs and my own. Put simply, I now have about a quarter of every day for my own needs. But I wouldn't trade a single sleepless, dirty, hungry, frustrated, aching moment of what is the greatest joy in my life for more me time.

Of course I look back on those weeks now and realize that I had so much more freedom than I thought I had but nothing was going to make me feel that way at the time except for the experience I now have. I remember someone saying to me, "You shouldn't be so tired," a statement that obviously made me feel like there was some trick I was missing or something that I was doing wrong. While unhelpful and a little judgy, above all that was such a ridiculous thing to say to someone that was tired from giving every bit of their energy to a newborn. If they'd only known I was also starving because the only time I managed to eat was in the shower!